Monday, May 13, 2013

May Kind of Sucks

May is one of my least favorite months.

Of sure, it starts off and ends great (Dad's birthday at the start, and my wife's birthday at the end). And it is spring, so you finally start getting decent weather in May.

But then there is Mother's Day.

And with Mother's Day, all the accompanying posts from people about how awesome their mothers are. Are, not were. And all the pictures of those folks with their moms. Current pictures, not old ones. Not more than a decade.

I miss my mother every day, and sixteen years on, this hasn't changed.

Mother's Day feels like a giant neener neener from the world about how lucky everyone is to have their mothers with them.

And the truth is, I mourn for more than just my mom on Mother's Day. Because I was lucky enough to come from and know generations of awesome women. I was close to both of my grandmothers and to my great grandmother as well. Awesome, strong, intelligent women. Women who never told me there were limits to what I could do. Women who have all passed on, most recently my mom's mother three years ago. In our grief for my mom, we became like surrogate mother and daughter for each other.

So Mother's Day sucks.

But then, I get hit with the other whammies...both my mom's and her mom's birthdays come right after Mother's Day.

So with all the birthdays (my niece's birthday is in May too), May used to be a month of being really happy but kind of broke from buying presents.

Now May is a month of being sad. Thankful for what I had, yes, but sad because the loss is still there.

After my mom died, a friend told me "It never hurts less, it just hurts less often."

Yeah, that.

1 comment:

Diplogeek said...

I feel the same about Father's Day. My father died when I was in high school; since then, I've mostly ignored Father's Day, because acknowledging it would mean dwelling on it, which doesn't seem particularly helpful or productive to me.