Equal

So long, Virginia.

Yesterday, a day before our eleven year wedding anniversary (and two and a half months before our 14 year anniversary together and four year anniversary of our legal marriage), we closed on a house in Maryland.

Isn't equality cute?

Don't get me wrong Virginia. I really like you. We both do. We especially love Northern Virginia...so close to work. So close to FSI. So many cool restaurants and dog parks and jogging trails. Your power company that isn't Pepco.

But it has felt like a one-way street.

Oh you were content enough to take our taxes. But you didn't like the money enough to make us full citizens. You didn't like us enough to let us file our taxes jointly. Or inherit from each other like spouses instead of like strangers. Or make burial arrangements for each other.

So we decided that we would become residents of Maryland instead.

Because it just seems like they want us more. Heck, they even offered to recognize our marriage as legal before same-sex couples could get married there.

I know things are changing. I hope that soon, you too will be on the right side of history. I just don't want to keep giving you money for discriminating against my family. We work hard and we serve our country, for pete's sake! We just want to be treated like everyone else.

And I know there are those who say that nothing will change if people leave instead of fighting. And I will keep fighting, just like I have since I first came out in 1986. That's right, I have been out and fighting for nearly 30 years. It is just that now, I can do it from a place of safety for my family. And I think I have earned that. And I support the fight of those who stay and fight, whether because they can't move or don't want to. I recognize that I am fortunate to have the choice.

So, see ya later Virginia. We are taking our tax dollars, our housing dollars, our retail dollars, elsewhere.

To Maryland, where we are equal.

And This Is Why We Are Moving To Maryland...

After the Supreme Court overturned the so-called Defense of Marriage Act, certain benefits were extended to married same-sex couples regardless of their state of residence. President Obama said at the time that there were two possible standards for determining marital status, place of residence and place of ceremony. he hoped that the latter definition would be used, extending marital protections to legally married couples regardless of where they currently reside.

And this is in fact the standard many agencies have been using. For example, the State Department recently began issuing visas to married same-sex couples, and DHS stopped deportation proceedings against legal spouses regardless of their state of residence.

But an article in the Washington Blade demonstrates that this is not what is happening for every agency.

For example, the Social Security Administration is putting a hold on applications where the applicants do not live in a state with marriage equality. Likewise, married couples will still have to pay state inheritance taxes should one spouse die if they live in a state without marriage equality. And the family medical leave act may not apply to couples who don't live in marriage equality states.

All of these issues can be dealt with by a simple policy change, and hopefully it will happen soon. But it isn't there yet. This affects us directly. We are currently residents of Virginia, which has a constitutional ban on our marriage. So if I died, my wife couldn't claim my body and make burial decisions for me. She would have to pay inheritance taxes on our home, and she would not be able to claim my social security.

And this is why we are moving to Maryland. With any luck, we will close on our new home in a couple weeks and soon thereafter be able to establish Maryland residency. And Virginia will have lost two taxpayers.

And we are the lucky ones. Because we work for an agency based in D.C., it is easy for us to say fine, we will just move across the border. Others aren't so lucky. Their jobs tie them to place, whether by virtue of being unable to work at the same job in another location or unable to afford to move.

We need to fix this for them. For the country. So we can all be full citizens.

House Hunter Overseas Part II

So we were done. Void the contract and walk away done.

We'd had the home inspection, and there were some issues that needed to be addressed. The seller had already told us he wanted to sell "as is." So our option was to suck up the repairs or void the contract.

We offered him a last chance to negotiate. Because the house is cool, but this is business. It isn't emotional, it is an investment. So if he wasn't going work with us on the price, we had no reason to bother. There are plenty other fish, er houses, in the sea.

And he said no dice.

So we told him we were walking. We voided the contract and cancelled the loan. We were out.

And then tonight, he had his agent call our agent.

Would be interested if he cut the price by $20,000?

So now we are back in.

Of course, there is still the radon and termite tests. Oh and the appraisal.

So it isn't a done deal. But we are a little closer to turning this little sunny spot into a garden.

And a little closer to being residents of a state where we are full citizens. That part I am emotional about.

House Hunting Overseas

You might think that with the US Supreme Court's having found the so-called Defense of Marriage Act to be unconstitutional, everything would be all hunky dory now, right?

Wrong.

You see, my wife and I are Virginia residents. We have been considering moving to Maryland, which has state marriage equality, for a while now. In fact, one of the first things she said to me after we heard the court's ruling was, "Okay, you can buy a house in Maryland now."

It isn't just about not wanting to continue paying taxes to a state that chooses to discriminate against us, though that is certain part of it. But it is also that the states can still do nasty things to us. Like, for example, not allowing us to make burial decisions for our legal spouse.

So we are house hunting in the Silver Springs/Takoma Park area. From half a planet away.

A friend who recently departed from post to spend a year on LWOP (leave without pay) recently did the same thing and bought a place in Colorado. Where she had never even visited. And I thought she was nuts.

And now we are doing it.

I have been searching online using MRIS Homes, looking a pictures, schools, location, etc. Then I am using google street view to "walk" the neighborhood (oh look, is that a crack house next door? I didn't see THAT in the pictures they posted! And seriously, I think some of these houses were on Curb Appeal before being listed!). Then I look at Zillow to get even more stats, including most recent sales prices of the home I am looking at, the estimated values of all the nearby homes and what recent homes there have sold for.

Once I have done all that, sometimes watch for a couple days. Homes prices well are moving in a few days. Homes that are over priced, even just a little, will often sit. And I am a bargain hunter, so I look for places where I can perhaps get it for less than asking, like in places where people have gotten no offers because they priced it poorly. And finally, I ask the realtor to take a look. She has even made walk-through videos for me.

We have already put on offer in on a place. Of course, we first had the realtor go and make a video walk through. And then we had a friend go by and walk through it again (thanks again, A!).

We are much less emotional than when we bought our first home together. We are not Property Virgins. We know how this works. We have already countered their counter offer. We know we may not get this place, and that is okay. We like it but don't love it. Nor do we need to love it. It isn't our retirement home (we will probably build that anyway). We have certain things we are looking for: a certain number of beds and baths, a yard, near the metro. It needs to be rentable when we are overseas. This property meets all of that and is cute too, but the seller is a personal representative on behalf of an estate, and for what seem like more emotional than practical reasons, isn't budging as much as I had hoped.

And even though this isn't personal, it is just an investment, I now know what my friend R felt like waiting for a response. Because it IS a big decision. Knots in your stomach don't begin to describe it. And the time difference doesn't help...sure, go ahead and try to fall asleep when the response will come in at maybe 6 pm their time, which is 1 am here.

So we shall see. We have a year before we will likely be back in the states, and we still don't know whether that will be for a tour or just for language training (blech...bidding....). A lot can happen in that time. We could buy a house. Or not. Virginia could adopt marriage equality (I really wish they would...I seriously love Northern Virginia). Or not.

In the meantime, I will try to focus on other major life decisions. Like bidding.

Blech. Think I will look at more houses.